25 November 2007

FA Announce There Will Be No England Manager...Ever

Instead it will be down to Sun columnists to pick the team and tactics and each time they lose a game, one of the News International board will be shot culminating in the death by stoning of Rupert Murdoch by angry England fans when we fail to qualify.


  1. Sounds good to me. Better still, perhaps we could just make the practice of football illegal and oblige everyone to go back to practising archery on the village green!

    OK, that was not an entirely serious suggestion, but I have never understood why people get so worked up about the performance of 'their' football team, as if its performance had anything to do with them. My thoughts on hearing that England had failed to qualify for Euro 2008 was that at least the TV schedules won't be fucked up next year.

  2. My thoughts on hearing that England had failed to qualify for Euro 2008 was that at least the TV schedules won't be fucked up next year.

    That was my immediate reaction, too. It gets better; following this failure, they are not to be seeded for the World Cup, so we may yet be spared the hyperbolic drivel and mind numbing tedium of endless "punditry" for two of these dismal competitions.

  3. Stephen, Longrider, Funnily enough for the first time I can remember, there were loads of England fans I was talking to in the pub who just didn't care anymore. Some of them were even supporting Russia against Israel on the Saturday. They had just had enough.

    This 'hero to zero' stuff in the papers is so pathetic though and that was my serious point. England nearly qualified, if we had beaten Macedonia at home, we wouldn't have had to worry about this Croatia game. Or if Croatia's long range effort in the 77th minute had missed - what would the headlines have been then - England lions roar back from 2-0 down?.

    Pretty much every player in Europe can speak English and that is partly why the premier league is easier for them to come over to. Our lack of language skills must hamper our players going to Europe and maybe that is why there is so few of them. I think our education system lets us down - our players are just too thick - they don't use their intelligence during the game.

    Like in the US - our top jobs are increasingly being filled with foreigners who are better qualified. While this is good for our country's economy (in the short term), it is a sad indictment of our educational system. We need more sport, more languages and other practical skills being taught. Less focus on the academic. We also need to create more areas in streets for children to play. We have to reduce the impact of traffic. There are just so many cars on the roads now, that parents are rightly too scared to let their children play. I also imagine the atomisation of society plays it part - there is less of a support network as people live further from their relatives and don't know their neighbours (another product of building for the car).

    Yes the endless punditry can be sterile and yes we won't have to endure fat skinheads crying into their pints next summer, but I, and millions more like me will still enjoy the tournament next year. And I am afraid you will be disappointed - it won't make any difference to the TV schedules as every game will still be covered. As there are dozens of channels nowadays, I am sure you will cope. I had to endure the rugby so I know how you feel, I went for a nice walk during the final this year and there was no-one about, it was great.

  4. Seems fair, but if The Sun agrees to shut up about football, will you let them off?

  5. Mark, I would imagine that if the Sun had to pick the team and tactics, suddenly every England defeat would be 'unlucky' and 'brave' rather than a calamity. It would certainly be funny to watch the Sun squirm. I have never forgiven them for the Hillsborough headlines. I stopped buying anything by Rupert Murdoch years ago (and it is bloody difficult to do). Heaven forbid, only this week in his defence of his ITV stake, he announced his intentions to turn Sky News into Fox news if the law would allow him. What a nightmare.

  6. Not only would our performances forever be 'brave' and 'plucky', but the opponents would always be cads and cheats and the referee and linesman in the payroll of mysterious foreign powers.

    I sort of agree with you on Murdoch. My son wants Sky TV and has to be told regularly that this is a non-starter.

  7. Is the quality of the Premiership down to just one man's vision of the future of television, Ruprt Murdoch!?!