26 April 2006

A Bizarre Love Triangle.

So your husband (new Labour) has been caught out again and is getting as sleazy and ill mannered as your previous husband (The Tories).

Your previous husband is trying to win you back with promises that he's changed, (he was always all talk and no substance - but you suspect he hasn't changed), and you remember how he gambled away all your savings (15% interest rates and Black Wednesday, 2 recessions etc.) and was a serial sleazy offender himself (Jeffrey Archer, Jonathon Aitken, David Mellor, Alan Clark, Cecil Parkinson etc, etc) and was also prone to a bit of domestic violence (tripled pensioner and child poverty, poll tax etc).

There is a new bloke on the block but he's a bit of a Minger (Menzies Campbell) with little to offer (no credible policies and is worse than a wasted vote in most places).

What do you do?

My advice is stick with your current husband for the sake of the kids (the poor) and your husband does seem genuinely sorry and has promised to change (Blair to Brown).

Apart from a few sleazy dalliances he has always provided for you (best economic growth ever) and a few extras (paid holidays, minimum wage). Admittedly he has been a bit strict with the kids (ASBOs, terror laws etc.), but no worse than your previous husband who used to beat them (section 28, no freedom of information or human rights act etc.) and patronise them (victorian Values & back to basics). The kids behaviour is improving (falling crime) and they seem better all round at school (record results and investment in education) and their asthma has cleared up (NHS waits now average 9 weeks as opposed to 18 months in 1997). He's not a bad husband really. You can love him again.


  1. Nice one, Neil!

    I thought you might have cleverly timed this to coincide with the 20th anniversary of BLT's release, but you're just a few months early.

  2. Cheers! 20 years really? Oh right, no I'm not that clever. The quality of my writing gives the clue to that.

  3. nah, he's blown it and the others are shits, time to strike out on your own.